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musesmistressTitle: Past, Present and Future
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: General with suggestions of John/Elizabeth, Teyla/Lorne, Ronon/OFC, Rodney/Katie
Summary: How things change.
Past, Present and Future (5/5) Rodney McKay
Past - Age 17
University had not been what he expected. Having graduated from high school far earlier than everyone else had simply added to his thoughts that he was smarter by far than anyone else. Even his sister, or so he thought.
University however did not agree with Meredith Rodney McKay, or at least the other students didn't. Before he arrived it had been his parent's ridicule that had been a problem, and every morning his father complained about how much it was costing to put him through this level of schooling. Rodney bit back the retort that they'd have to pay for it eventually anyway and they should consider it out of the way now.
Antagonising the man would not have been a wise idea. Money wasn't hard come by in their family he knew they lived comfortably, but it seemed that anything that made them spend money on him only made them bitter and resentful. Where Jeanie was concerned, however, it was perfectly fine and they seemed to shower her with anything she asked for.
But he could look the other way from their comments. The other students of the university were something else entirely. They called him names as he walked the corridors, sniggered behind his back. Rodney just held his head high, he was better than all of them he told himself, one day he'd make more money than the lot of them put together.
He would be famous and rich, he thought as he made his way into the cafeteria to get lunch, at 17 he had already proven to people he was smarter than anyone. His atomic bomb presentation for his sixth grade science fair had drawn perhaps a little too much attention. The FBI had questioned him for more than six hours seeming afraid of him becoming a terrorist or working from a terrorist faction. Despite the fact that good had come from the interview he had been yelled at for days by his father for disgracing the family.
It was probably this point that he realised there was no one with his intelligence. That he would grow up to be a world famous inventor, with his name in every science book and his face on the twenty dollar bill.
He joined the queue of lunch and ignored the names and sniggers that came his way from the nearest table. Even though he had simply persevered with having to attend such a school in order to reach his rich and famous goal, Rodney thought that he could slip through it unnoticed, get the books and read them, take the lessons and see if there was something new in them and leave with a PhD.
Apparently a 17 year stood out too much in amongst the others who were now adults and able to live in the dorm rooms. He guessed that the amount of times he had corrected a teacher in the past seven months didn't help matters either, but he couldn't find the power to care.
He took a step back almost casually as someone chucked a chunk of fruit his way, he didn't bother to see what it was as he stepped over it and reached the tray pile. He picked up a fresh bread roll and dropped it onto a side plate before placing that on the corner of his tray. Moving on to the fruit he listened to the sniggers from behind him.
"Don't forget your lemon, Rodney," one of the boys behind him said as he picked up an apple and a banana. Several other students behind him sniggered at the comment but Rodney paid no attention to them. Instead he looked down the line at the other students, one of them had stopped to make a decision of what main meal to have and Rodney, being hungry, was getting impatient.
He couldn't help, as he ignored the comments about Lemon Chicken and other such foods, thinking about the last time he'd spent time with his sister. Jeanie, despite not being as smart as he was had always followed him around. If he was honest he did like his sister, but the favouritism his parents showed her over him was just annoying, which in his eyes made her annoying.
He finally reached the hot food and made a quick selection, he had to give the dinner lady a look of impatient as the boy who had made a comment about the lemon earlier once again suggested his meal for him. She smiled at him and gave him what he asked for in a generous portion and he accepted the plate with a massive grin.
By this point the cue had vanished, the only thing after the hot food was the drinks and then to find a seat.
The only problem with eating here, other than the fact you couldn't go back for seconds, not that he needed to with the helpings he often got, was finding somewhere to sit. The way he saw it, he had two choices; he could sit with the students who were neither popular nor bullied and stand the ridicule of them and all the others around him. Or he could sit with the geeks.
Sitting with the latter was the worst of these ideas, it would mean he admitted he was one of them, and he wasn't, he was much better. He would have preferred to sit alone, but in this busy school that was practically impossible.
As he always did he picked the emptiest table and sat as far away from everyone else as he possibly could. He set his tray down and then realised he'd forgotten to pick up his cutlery. Leaving the tray he moved over to the side of the room, selected his knife and fork and returned to his meal.
He had barely taken a few bites when he realised the difference in the taste. Lasagne shouldn't taste this tangy, he thought as he picked up another fork full and sniffed at it. He looked up at the next table and caught the boys there watching him expectantly.
"Oh no," he said realising what they had done, this was the guy in the line behind him who had made comments about citrus; someone Rodney had made a habit of asking the dinner lady about every day.
He tried to stand but couldn't find the strength in his legs, he looked wildly around as he felt his lungs constrict and his breathing became laboured. To his left one of the girls had gotten up and walking towards him.
"Rodney," she asked carefully standing a few steps away. "Are you alright?"
He caught sight of her face before everything around started to blur. It was a moment later that hands took hold of his arm and he managed to take in the familiar voice of one of his teachers before he really began to struggle for breathe. He wanted nothing more than take a deep long gulp of air.
*
"Always costing money."
The voice of his father reached his ears before he realised he was awake; the tone was as it always was, condescending and intended to make him feel bad.
"I can't even get through a whole day at work without someone calling me about you," he added seemingly aware that Rodney could hear him. "Do you do it on purpose? Waste the money we earn, I work all day to put you through university and now you add on medical bills."
"I didn't do this to myself," he said attempting to sound harsh but failing as his chest still hurt.
"Oh no?" he dad said sarcastically. "I suppose one of those bullies at school did this."
"Yes, actually," he reached to the side table for the glass of water that sat there and listen as his father practically snorted in laughter.
"You're in university," he said drawing the last word out as if telling it to a small child who was attempting to spell the word. "They are all older than you are; a lot more mature that's for sure."
"That's what you think," he murmured into his glass before setting it back on the side.
"Don't talk to me like that Meredith," the old man said. He opened his mouth to say something else but was called from the room by someone else. It was at this point that he really took in his location, he was in a hospital bed, heart rate monitor attached and he shared a look with the patient in the next bed.
"Is he always like that," the other man asked with a sympathetic nod in the direction his father had gone.
"Pretty much," he said getting comfortable. "What time's dinner?"
"Dinner list should be along in about an hour," he offered with a smile.
"Do we get seconds?" he asked turning to look at him again. "I didn't get to eat my lunch after the other students put lemon in it."
"If you're nice to the food lady you might. I tried it once, didn't get a second meal, just extra pudding."
"That's fine with me," he said with a grin and the other man gave a chuckle as his father stepped back into the room. He dropped a pile of clothes on the food of Rodney's bed and turned hastily away.
"Get dressed," he said as he walked off. "We're going home."
"Maybe next time," the man in the next bed said as Rodney slide from the bed.
"Yeah," he said. "I don't get seconds at home."
~~**~~**~~
Present - Age 38
Everywhere he looked he could see it, it was disgusting. People seemed to be pairing up left, right and centre. Since the ceremony for Teyla’s long lost people on the main land a few weeks back, he’d seen Major Lorne with her more times than he’d been on missions.
Every lunch time now he was sure he’d see Sheppard making his way to Elizabeth’s office or the pair of them heading for the mess. He’d even once been fortunate enough to see them sitting together in a corner a little closer than he would have expected. Then there was Ronon and that assistant from Earth, Nora something, along with Radek and a nurse and Carson and one of the science team. It was not a pretty sight.
He picked up his lunch, turning away from the sight of Teyla and Lorne exchanging a laugh and headed back to the door. He paused; the open doorway was the perfect portal to the long stretch of corridor. About halfway down he could make out the form of the large Ronon leaning against the wall. Rodney shook his head and stepped out into the corridor only to see Nora stop in front of the Satedan and stretch up on her toes to kiss him.
"Vomit central," he muttered and turned down one of the forked passages. He made it half way down before he stopped, looked down at the items he carried and turned back towards the mess. He could get Katie something to eat, she would be working late with the new plants that had been brought back yesterday from M9S-784, the locals could swear they had some medicinal purpose.
Back in the mess, he purposely ignored Teyla and Lorne but couldn’t help glancing around. John and Elizabeth were back in their corner and she was leaning in close looking at something that was blocked by their backs. Ronon and Nora where sat on the opposite side of the table from them and as he watched, Nora reached up with a piece of her sandwich she obviously didn’t like and Ronon engulfed it with his lips.
"Oh come on," he said disgustedly. He grabbed another sandwich and piece of fruit and turned to leave again.
It was everywhere, they were meant to be a science team, not a pair up and get married team. Explore the galaxy, not the woman sitting closest to you. Not that that thought didn’t sound appealing or anything.
He stomped out of the room and back down the corridor. He had to juggle the items in his arms before he could activate the transport and eventually made his way to the arboretum.
"Rodney?" Katie questioned as he stepped into the room. "What are you doing here?"
"I, erm," he paused suddenly feeling stupid and at the same time wanting to sit close to her like John did with Elizabeth. "I brought lunch," he said hastily remembering the things in his arms as if someone had suddenly smacked him around the head and shoved a sign in front of his face.
"Aww, that’s sweet of you," she cooed. "But I don’t even have time to stop and eat."
"Sure you do," he said moving to the desk and haphazardly dropping everything on top of her computer screen. "Sorry," he said before moving one of the packets. "Anyway, you just work, stop for a bite, have a little bit of conversation then back to work for a few minutes. I do it all the time."
"Alright," she said picking up one of the sandwich packs and pulling it open. "What brought this on?" she asked indicating his sudden need to provide lunch.
"Nothing," he said too quickly and made her raise her eyebrows at him. "I was just in the mess getting lunch and remembered you’d be stuck here today with this," he waved his arm around at the scattered vegetation in the room. "Figured you wouldn’t get a break to go get some food. How’s it going?"
"Slowly," she said sounding a little too frustrated. It made him a little angry and his brain suddenly started to think of ways to make her job easier. Stupid thing, such as stopping the teams from bringing back more plants and vegetables or setting fire to the lab. "I’ve catalogued them all, but some of them are just unusual."
She started explaining about some of the metabolic changes she’d witnessed since the plants had arrived and Rodney tuned out. It wasn’t like him to let people talk, usually if someone started to rattle on about something as dull as this he would have stopped them, with a non to polite comment.
But Katie was different, there was something in just letting her talk that made him loose track of what was, and what wasn’t, a useful or interesting topic.
Without meaning to, he thought of all the things he’d seen today, couples kissing, sitting close, sharing food and instead of seeing who had really done it, he put himself and Katie Brown in their place.
Watching her slip a piece of unwanted cucumber from her sandwich he pictured her feeding it to him. Saw her sitting at his side, her back curved in his direction, shoulder brushing against his. He couldn’t stop it, the images just kept coming, moment after moment as she carried on talking about the plants, something about them changing colour.
"Rodney? Are you..."
"Will you marry me?" He froze, he hadn’t meant to say it, he wasn’t even sure he’d meant it. The piece of sandwich she was holding flopped to the desk as she stared open mouthed at him.
His mind raced, he couldn’t take it back now, could he? Needing a way out, he quickly got to his feet and darted out of the room before she could say yes or no. Why had he even opened his mouth, he didn’t even consciously consider that they could get married; they’d only been dating for a few months. Okay, almost a year now, but that wasn’t the point.
He wondered for a few minutes, ignoring the beep of his radio in his ear. When he spotted John heading towards him down the corridor he thought to take a different route but wasn’t quick enough in turning away.
"What’s with you?" Sheppard asked him stopping a few paces ahead. "You look like you’ve seen a ghost and Katie Brown has been trying to get you on the radio for almost five minutes."
"I asked her to marry me," he said once again without meaning to even open his mouth, he had to stop doing this.
"You did what?"
"I asked her to marry me. I wasn’t even listening to her talk about some plant and it just came out when she said my name. I asked her to marry me."
He looked wildly around the corridor for an escape but found he was blocked with John in front of him and there were no turnings from where he stood. Before he could realise he could double back on himself John had grabbed his arm and pulled him into a quiet and empty room.
"I asked her to marry me," he said again, then repeated it just once more to make sure he had actually done what he was saying.
"I asked Elizabeth to marry me," John said as he repeated the line again, "she turned me down."
"Really?" he asked suddenly hearing the words John spoke.
"No," he said with a smirk. "But it got your attention."
"Don’t do that, I’m really freaking out here."
"I can see that," John said. Rodney went back to repeating his line for a moment. "Did you mean it?"
"Of course I didn’t mean to say it, I think I would have chosen my timing better if I had and I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you about it."
"That wasn’t the question," John pointed out. "Did you mean it?"
He stopped, standing in the middle of the room and looked around. John was leaning against a desk to his right and watching him intently.
"Yes," Rodney said, and gave a nervous laugh. "Yes I did," he said again.
"Then go and talk to Katie."
Rodney turned to look at him like he was crazy; the idea of going to talk to her seemed completely alien. What if she turned him down? What if he walked back into that room and she hit him. He didn’t realise he had started walking again, not pacing the room this time but navigating the corridors back to Katie’s lab.
She was standing with her back to the door when he entered. He had to say her name, though it came out choked as if his throat had closed, to get her attention.
"Yes," she said with a smile on her lips and a worried look in her eyes. "I would love to marry you."
~~**~~**~~
Future – Age 47
It had all come up again with the birth of Kyara Dex. She was cute, he’d held her once, a few days after her birth, but hadn’t been able to go back since then. What worried him the most was how Katie had reacted to the child. She had come across Nora and Kyara a few weeks later and since then she’d gone back to crying herself to sleep. What was worse this time around was that he knew why, but she wouldn’t talk to him.
They’d had a slow engagement after he’d blurted out his unintentional proposal, but three years after they had finally got married she had to gone to the doctor. For seven months they had tried for a baby of their own and it had never happened.
John had spent that time making jokes about him with kids. Reminding him of how he’d dealt with the children on one particular planet in their first year in the Pegasus galaxy. He had stopped abruptly the day they had been strolling the corridor and Katie had run past them sobbing.
Rodney had been quick to follow her back to their room, quicker than he actually expected to be and found her curled up on the bed in the fetal position crying loudly.
It hadn’t taken much to coax the information out of her, just him sitting down with her and placing a hand on her should. She’d flipped over and wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his ear.
“I can’t carry children.”
He tightened his grip on Katie, she’d only just fallen asleep, her arms wrapped around him now as they had been back on that day. It had hurt to see her like that, it hurt now to see it again, he knew she had wanted a child even if the possibility was now even less possible.
Maybe they should go back to considering the possibilities she had pushed aside. Adopt a baby from Earth or even from the kid planet. He couldn’t take seeing her like this, she was his wife, and he loved her.
He’d have to keep her from work and talk to her about it tomorrow; this heartbreaking longing couldn’t be healthy for her.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: General with suggestions of John/Elizabeth, Teyla/Lorne, Ronon/OFC, Rodney/Katie
Summary: How things change.
Past, Present and Future (5/5) Rodney McKay
Past - Age 17
University had not been what he expected. Having graduated from high school far earlier than everyone else had simply added to his thoughts that he was smarter by far than anyone else. Even his sister, or so he thought.
University however did not agree with Meredith Rodney McKay, or at least the other students didn't. Before he arrived it had been his parent's ridicule that had been a problem, and every morning his father complained about how much it was costing to put him through this level of schooling. Rodney bit back the retort that they'd have to pay for it eventually anyway and they should consider it out of the way now.
Antagonising the man would not have been a wise idea. Money wasn't hard come by in their family he knew they lived comfortably, but it seemed that anything that made them spend money on him only made them bitter and resentful. Where Jeanie was concerned, however, it was perfectly fine and they seemed to shower her with anything she asked for.
But he could look the other way from their comments. The other students of the university were something else entirely. They called him names as he walked the corridors, sniggered behind his back. Rodney just held his head high, he was better than all of them he told himself, one day he'd make more money than the lot of them put together.
He would be famous and rich, he thought as he made his way into the cafeteria to get lunch, at 17 he had already proven to people he was smarter than anyone. His atomic bomb presentation for his sixth grade science fair had drawn perhaps a little too much attention. The FBI had questioned him for more than six hours seeming afraid of him becoming a terrorist or working from a terrorist faction. Despite the fact that good had come from the interview he had been yelled at for days by his father for disgracing the family.
It was probably this point that he realised there was no one with his intelligence. That he would grow up to be a world famous inventor, with his name in every science book and his face on the twenty dollar bill.
He joined the queue of lunch and ignored the names and sniggers that came his way from the nearest table. Even though he had simply persevered with having to attend such a school in order to reach his rich and famous goal, Rodney thought that he could slip through it unnoticed, get the books and read them, take the lessons and see if there was something new in them and leave with a PhD.
Apparently a 17 year stood out too much in amongst the others who were now adults and able to live in the dorm rooms. He guessed that the amount of times he had corrected a teacher in the past seven months didn't help matters either, but he couldn't find the power to care.
He took a step back almost casually as someone chucked a chunk of fruit his way, he didn't bother to see what it was as he stepped over it and reached the tray pile. He picked up a fresh bread roll and dropped it onto a side plate before placing that on the corner of his tray. Moving on to the fruit he listened to the sniggers from behind him.
"Don't forget your lemon, Rodney," one of the boys behind him said as he picked up an apple and a banana. Several other students behind him sniggered at the comment but Rodney paid no attention to them. Instead he looked down the line at the other students, one of them had stopped to make a decision of what main meal to have and Rodney, being hungry, was getting impatient.
He couldn't help, as he ignored the comments about Lemon Chicken and other such foods, thinking about the last time he'd spent time with his sister. Jeanie, despite not being as smart as he was had always followed him around. If he was honest he did like his sister, but the favouritism his parents showed her over him was just annoying, which in his eyes made her annoying.
He finally reached the hot food and made a quick selection, he had to give the dinner lady a look of impatient as the boy who had made a comment about the lemon earlier once again suggested his meal for him. She smiled at him and gave him what he asked for in a generous portion and he accepted the plate with a massive grin.
By this point the cue had vanished, the only thing after the hot food was the drinks and then to find a seat.
The only problem with eating here, other than the fact you couldn't go back for seconds, not that he needed to with the helpings he often got, was finding somewhere to sit. The way he saw it, he had two choices; he could sit with the students who were neither popular nor bullied and stand the ridicule of them and all the others around him. Or he could sit with the geeks.
Sitting with the latter was the worst of these ideas, it would mean he admitted he was one of them, and he wasn't, he was much better. He would have preferred to sit alone, but in this busy school that was practically impossible.
As he always did he picked the emptiest table and sat as far away from everyone else as he possibly could. He set his tray down and then realised he'd forgotten to pick up his cutlery. Leaving the tray he moved over to the side of the room, selected his knife and fork and returned to his meal.
He had barely taken a few bites when he realised the difference in the taste. Lasagne shouldn't taste this tangy, he thought as he picked up another fork full and sniffed at it. He looked up at the next table and caught the boys there watching him expectantly.
"Oh no," he said realising what they had done, this was the guy in the line behind him who had made comments about citrus; someone Rodney had made a habit of asking the dinner lady about every day.
He tried to stand but couldn't find the strength in his legs, he looked wildly around as he felt his lungs constrict and his breathing became laboured. To his left one of the girls had gotten up and walking towards him.
"Rodney," she asked carefully standing a few steps away. "Are you alright?"
He caught sight of her face before everything around started to blur. It was a moment later that hands took hold of his arm and he managed to take in the familiar voice of one of his teachers before he really began to struggle for breathe. He wanted nothing more than take a deep long gulp of air.
*
"Always costing money."
The voice of his father reached his ears before he realised he was awake; the tone was as it always was, condescending and intended to make him feel bad.
"I can't even get through a whole day at work without someone calling me about you," he added seemingly aware that Rodney could hear him. "Do you do it on purpose? Waste the money we earn, I work all day to put you through university and now you add on medical bills."
"I didn't do this to myself," he said attempting to sound harsh but failing as his chest still hurt.
"Oh no?" he dad said sarcastically. "I suppose one of those bullies at school did this."
"Yes, actually," he reached to the side table for the glass of water that sat there and listen as his father practically snorted in laughter.
"You're in university," he said drawing the last word out as if telling it to a small child who was attempting to spell the word. "They are all older than you are; a lot more mature that's for sure."
"That's what you think," he murmured into his glass before setting it back on the side.
"Don't talk to me like that Meredith," the old man said. He opened his mouth to say something else but was called from the room by someone else. It was at this point that he really took in his location, he was in a hospital bed, heart rate monitor attached and he shared a look with the patient in the next bed.
"Is he always like that," the other man asked with a sympathetic nod in the direction his father had gone.
"Pretty much," he said getting comfortable. "What time's dinner?"
"Dinner list should be along in about an hour," he offered with a smile.
"Do we get seconds?" he asked turning to look at him again. "I didn't get to eat my lunch after the other students put lemon in it."
"If you're nice to the food lady you might. I tried it once, didn't get a second meal, just extra pudding."
"That's fine with me," he said with a grin and the other man gave a chuckle as his father stepped back into the room. He dropped a pile of clothes on the food of Rodney's bed and turned hastily away.
"Get dressed," he said as he walked off. "We're going home."
"Maybe next time," the man in the next bed said as Rodney slide from the bed.
"Yeah," he said. "I don't get seconds at home."
~~**~~**~~
Present - Age 38
Everywhere he looked he could see it, it was disgusting. People seemed to be pairing up left, right and centre. Since the ceremony for Teyla’s long lost people on the main land a few weeks back, he’d seen Major Lorne with her more times than he’d been on missions.
Every lunch time now he was sure he’d see Sheppard making his way to Elizabeth’s office or the pair of them heading for the mess. He’d even once been fortunate enough to see them sitting together in a corner a little closer than he would have expected. Then there was Ronon and that assistant from Earth, Nora something, along with Radek and a nurse and Carson and one of the science team. It was not a pretty sight.
He picked up his lunch, turning away from the sight of Teyla and Lorne exchanging a laugh and headed back to the door. He paused; the open doorway was the perfect portal to the long stretch of corridor. About halfway down he could make out the form of the large Ronon leaning against the wall. Rodney shook his head and stepped out into the corridor only to see Nora stop in front of the Satedan and stretch up on her toes to kiss him.
"Vomit central," he muttered and turned down one of the forked passages. He made it half way down before he stopped, looked down at the items he carried and turned back towards the mess. He could get Katie something to eat, she would be working late with the new plants that had been brought back yesterday from M9S-784, the locals could swear they had some medicinal purpose.
Back in the mess, he purposely ignored Teyla and Lorne but couldn’t help glancing around. John and Elizabeth were back in their corner and she was leaning in close looking at something that was blocked by their backs. Ronon and Nora where sat on the opposite side of the table from them and as he watched, Nora reached up with a piece of her sandwich she obviously didn’t like and Ronon engulfed it with his lips.
"Oh come on," he said disgustedly. He grabbed another sandwich and piece of fruit and turned to leave again.
It was everywhere, they were meant to be a science team, not a pair up and get married team. Explore the galaxy, not the woman sitting closest to you. Not that that thought didn’t sound appealing or anything.
He stomped out of the room and back down the corridor. He had to juggle the items in his arms before he could activate the transport and eventually made his way to the arboretum.
"Rodney?" Katie questioned as he stepped into the room. "What are you doing here?"
"I, erm," he paused suddenly feeling stupid and at the same time wanting to sit close to her like John did with Elizabeth. "I brought lunch," he said hastily remembering the things in his arms as if someone had suddenly smacked him around the head and shoved a sign in front of his face.
"Aww, that’s sweet of you," she cooed. "But I don’t even have time to stop and eat."
"Sure you do," he said moving to the desk and haphazardly dropping everything on top of her computer screen. "Sorry," he said before moving one of the packets. "Anyway, you just work, stop for a bite, have a little bit of conversation then back to work for a few minutes. I do it all the time."
"Alright," she said picking up one of the sandwich packs and pulling it open. "What brought this on?" she asked indicating his sudden need to provide lunch.
"Nothing," he said too quickly and made her raise her eyebrows at him. "I was just in the mess getting lunch and remembered you’d be stuck here today with this," he waved his arm around at the scattered vegetation in the room. "Figured you wouldn’t get a break to go get some food. How’s it going?"
"Slowly," she said sounding a little too frustrated. It made him a little angry and his brain suddenly started to think of ways to make her job easier. Stupid thing, such as stopping the teams from bringing back more plants and vegetables or setting fire to the lab. "I’ve catalogued them all, but some of them are just unusual."
She started explaining about some of the metabolic changes she’d witnessed since the plants had arrived and Rodney tuned out. It wasn’t like him to let people talk, usually if someone started to rattle on about something as dull as this he would have stopped them, with a non to polite comment.
But Katie was different, there was something in just letting her talk that made him loose track of what was, and what wasn’t, a useful or interesting topic.
Without meaning to, he thought of all the things he’d seen today, couples kissing, sitting close, sharing food and instead of seeing who had really done it, he put himself and Katie Brown in their place.
Watching her slip a piece of unwanted cucumber from her sandwich he pictured her feeding it to him. Saw her sitting at his side, her back curved in his direction, shoulder brushing against his. He couldn’t stop it, the images just kept coming, moment after moment as she carried on talking about the plants, something about them changing colour.
"Rodney? Are you..."
"Will you marry me?" He froze, he hadn’t meant to say it, he wasn’t even sure he’d meant it. The piece of sandwich she was holding flopped to the desk as she stared open mouthed at him.
His mind raced, he couldn’t take it back now, could he? Needing a way out, he quickly got to his feet and darted out of the room before she could say yes or no. Why had he even opened his mouth, he didn’t even consciously consider that they could get married; they’d only been dating for a few months. Okay, almost a year now, but that wasn’t the point.
He wondered for a few minutes, ignoring the beep of his radio in his ear. When he spotted John heading towards him down the corridor he thought to take a different route but wasn’t quick enough in turning away.
"What’s with you?" Sheppard asked him stopping a few paces ahead. "You look like you’ve seen a ghost and Katie Brown has been trying to get you on the radio for almost five minutes."
"I asked her to marry me," he said once again without meaning to even open his mouth, he had to stop doing this.
"You did what?"
"I asked her to marry me. I wasn’t even listening to her talk about some plant and it just came out when she said my name. I asked her to marry me."
He looked wildly around the corridor for an escape but found he was blocked with John in front of him and there were no turnings from where he stood. Before he could realise he could double back on himself John had grabbed his arm and pulled him into a quiet and empty room.
"I asked her to marry me," he said again, then repeated it just once more to make sure he had actually done what he was saying.
"I asked Elizabeth to marry me," John said as he repeated the line again, "she turned me down."
"Really?" he asked suddenly hearing the words John spoke.
"No," he said with a smirk. "But it got your attention."
"Don’t do that, I’m really freaking out here."
"I can see that," John said. Rodney went back to repeating his line for a moment. "Did you mean it?"
"Of course I didn’t mean to say it, I think I would have chosen my timing better if I had and I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you about it."
"That wasn’t the question," John pointed out. "Did you mean it?"
He stopped, standing in the middle of the room and looked around. John was leaning against a desk to his right and watching him intently.
"Yes," Rodney said, and gave a nervous laugh. "Yes I did," he said again.
"Then go and talk to Katie."
Rodney turned to look at him like he was crazy; the idea of going to talk to her seemed completely alien. What if she turned him down? What if he walked back into that room and she hit him. He didn’t realise he had started walking again, not pacing the room this time but navigating the corridors back to Katie’s lab.
She was standing with her back to the door when he entered. He had to say her name, though it came out choked as if his throat had closed, to get her attention.
"Yes," she said with a smile on her lips and a worried look in her eyes. "I would love to marry you."
~~**~~**~~
Future – Age 47
It had all come up again with the birth of Kyara Dex. She was cute, he’d held her once, a few days after her birth, but hadn’t been able to go back since then. What worried him the most was how Katie had reacted to the child. She had come across Nora and Kyara a few weeks later and since then she’d gone back to crying herself to sleep. What was worse this time around was that he knew why, but she wouldn’t talk to him.
They’d had a slow engagement after he’d blurted out his unintentional proposal, but three years after they had finally got married she had to gone to the doctor. For seven months they had tried for a baby of their own and it had never happened.
John had spent that time making jokes about him with kids. Reminding him of how he’d dealt with the children on one particular planet in their first year in the Pegasus galaxy. He had stopped abruptly the day they had been strolling the corridor and Katie had run past them sobbing.
Rodney had been quick to follow her back to their room, quicker than he actually expected to be and found her curled up on the bed in the fetal position crying loudly.
It hadn’t taken much to coax the information out of her, just him sitting down with her and placing a hand on her should. She’d flipped over and wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his ear.
“I can’t carry children.”
He tightened his grip on Katie, she’d only just fallen asleep, her arms wrapped around him now as they had been back on that day. It had hurt to see her like that, it hurt now to see it again, he knew she had wanted a child even if the possibility was now even less possible.
Maybe they should go back to considering the possibilities she had pushed aside. Adopt a baby from Earth or even from the kid planet. He couldn’t take seeing her like this, she was his wife, and he loved her.
He’d have to keep her from work and talk to her about it tomorrow; this heartbreaking longing couldn’t be healthy for her.
